Weirdo Wears Winter Wares

Winter/ cold weather style is a great way to show off how fabulous and weird you are.  Being a midwesterner myself, I resigned to the fact that once mid-November hits, Hell will be frozen over until April and will be a PMSing bitch immediately before and after.  Although we’re in the throws of winter, we still have at least 10 weeks of sunless,  face hurting air, freezing rain weather to go.  So we buckle down, layer up, and make it weird.

A Fabulous Coat

There’s nothing worse than going to a great party in a great outfit, and having to wear the coat that your shlep groceries in.  It’s always great to have a statement coat that you can feel fabulous in whether you’re having a date, bundling up for a tree lighting, mid woods seance, or a boozy brunch.

Boots

Tall, ankle, Chelsea, over the knee (not “thigh- high”…apparently it’s hookerish.  Thanks guest from Straight Up With Stassi), there are so many options.  Because I’m likely not walking nearly as much as when the sun is shining, I tend to like more or a heel.

Opaque Legging

Emphasis on the opaque.  As Blaire Waldorf famously once yelled at one of her minions “TIGHTS ARE NOT PANTS!”  I’m pretty well endowed in the booty arena, so it is an actual nightmare of mine to have a see-through situation…discovered suddenly in a store mirror…around less well endowed peers.  I don’t need to make an argument for these God sends, just make sure you’re camel-toe and pantie-show free.

Scarves Galore

I need to have my scarf clear up to my ears.  The bigger the better.  I like an infinity style because I find them more managable, but I do have a great long-ass white one from a knock off shop in Berlin.  I have yet to conquer a blanket scarf, but I think their super chic, very midwestern of me.  They’re also great if you want to have a no make-up day.  Scarf, hat, sunglass, no problem.

Head Ware

Give me a big sparkely pom, preferably faux fur.  A slouchy beanie is a no from me.  I don’t understand how they stay on your head!  It looks like a balancing act.  No thank you.  Headbands are cute for a not so cold day.  I notice that there is nothing covering the top of my head, it feels incomplete.  But they work great with a high poney.  If you are fortunate enough to live in a not-so-windy area (sorry greater Chicago area), a felt brimmed number is very witchy bitchy.

Camisoles

Layers, layers, layers, people!!  Camisoles provide insulation, and a extra shelf to make for bra-less days.  If there is nothing else good about winter (and post holidays the pros are pretty hard to come by) there is the fact that it’s super easy to go a whole day bra-less.

Cozy Sweaters

Big, over sized, cozy mutha fukas.  I like them big enough that none of the fabric actually touches my torso when I’m vertical.  With a camisole insulating me, and some opaque leggings maximizing my range of motion, I’m unstoppable.

Hater Blockers

Nothing inspires my inner narcissist like a pair of big tortoise shell Erika Ray Bans.  Sunglasses are not just for summer.  With the ball of fire in the sky reflecting light off the snow, it’s a little too much joyful light for my black heart to take.  Mirrored lenses are super on trend, bonus points for rose gold.  Large round frames are timeless, but are also having a moment right now.  The most important things to remember are to find a frame that maximizes the hotness of your face, and make sure their polarized so your eye balls don’t burn.

Fresh Face

Tinted moisturized with SPF, groomed brow, quality lip balm.  Done.  Keep yo shit moisturized!!  When it’s time to glam up, you’ll be working with a supple palette that won’t be as prone to caking.  Cake is for stuffing you face, not your foundation.

Happy Fabulous and Weird Fall

Grab your leggings and carving knives, Weirdos! Fall is upon us!  If your like me, you have had a love for Fall long before Instagram exploded with #footballscarvesandPSL (#fuckingkillme #dirtychaioverPSL).  Don’t get me wrong, I’m a die hard all things Cleveland fan, have picked a pumpkin from a patch a time or two, and tend to live in leggings when I’m not in scrubs, but Fall has always had a special place in my cold weird black heart for one overarching reason:  HALLOWEEN.

Halloween has been my favorite holiday almost my entire life.  As a chubby little outcast, nothing was more fun than dressing up as a pretty princess, scary witch, or slutty insert-costume-here (in college, don’t worry I wasn’t a 12 year old “sexy Raggedy Ann”… but the costume exists).

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“It’s was my favorite doll as a young girl”

But as I’ve grown up, into a not-so- elegant lady, Halloween is a holiday where I can embrace my weird, fabulous self.  Think Alexander McQueen skull scarves, my FAVORITE tee shirt with “rock on” skeleton hand, witchy hats, black crystals, ankle boots, all black everything ON ON ON.  I love mixing the creepy and spooky with the main stream fabulous.  I couldn’t find the rock on skeleton hand tee, but here are a few key pieces of a lux meets weird look.backtofall

It would be too easy to poke fun at the basic bitch in her Uggs throwing leaves in a Mayfair filter or whatever the fuck it is they do; I’d much rather bask in fabulous weirdness (though I’m not saying I’m above posting something similar in the future).  Fortunately it’s only September so there will be plenty of fabulous, weird, and creepy things to come!

Stay Fabulous. Stay Weird.